remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
