Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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