I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
high people should be assigned attendants
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
