It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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