i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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