Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
