You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
