Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
