is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
