imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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