I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
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