so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
