yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
