When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
