Don't you send me to vm
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
