so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
