I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
