Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
