I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize