the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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