Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
