Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize