i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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