I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
