I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
