Pants 0. Shit 1.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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