TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
