My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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