Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
