Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
