Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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