i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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