Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
