I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
