I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
