I met the friendliest cop last night
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
