Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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