haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
