im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
