Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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