I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize