I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
