Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
