so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
