just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
