I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
