Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
