you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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