If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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