The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
