the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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