Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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