K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
