I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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