I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
