Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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