I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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