Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
