Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
and she was petting her beer can
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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