shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
