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life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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