I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
