Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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