I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
