i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
