Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
