im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Life is so much better after having sex.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
