Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
