Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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