anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
