She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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