Princesses don't give blow jobs
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
